Dear journal,
Heaven is much different then what I expected. Well, I didn't really have a clear idea of it, I never would've thought I'd be dead at 14. I always thought I'd live a long life.
Over the first few weeks of me being here. I have been watching my family, friends and my very own life go on without me. I've watched my parents marriage falling apart over me. I feel like all he bad things going on at home are my fault. I didn't choose to get murdered. I wish they could keep things the way they were before. For me. But I guess it doesn't even matter anyway. What's done is done and I have to stop feeling sorry for myself. Im dead. I'm in heaven. And I can't change anything. This is what its gonna be like for now on. It's almost like I'm stranded behind one of those pieces of glass, where I can see them, but they can't see me. I just wish I could just run through it. I miss my mom and dad, I miss Buckley and Lindsay, I even just miss my own bed. Everyday, something looks different. Lindsay started wearing makeup. I wish I was there. She really needs some help with it, I guess she's gotten better at it. It's just so strange to see my family this way, so hollow looking.
My father knows Mr. Harvey did this to me. I just wish everyone else would see it too. Lindsay knows it too. She snuck into his house the other day, and stole the drawing of the hole he killed me in. I will say, that Mr. Harvey is very good at covering up his murder. He's always so kind to the officers coming to ask him questions, he says she feels bad for the "poor girl",and the person that did it is a terrible person, and blah blah blah. I hate watching that, it makes me sick to my stomach.
Lots of love,
Suzie S
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